| The Denial Factor Living Truth Through Denial |
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The other day I was having a conversation with a friend of which has a family similar in size and just about the same
lifestyle as I do. In the conversation I asked if his wife lied to him often, of which he could not answer in full
honesty.
This thought apparently stuck with my friend and he decided to ask his oldest children the same simple question I
asked. “Does your mother have you lie for her?”
The response he had from the kids left him in a very depressed state, discovering that his wife not only lied often to
cover her butt on petty things she was doing something or buying an item, but had the kids lying for no apparent
reason, other than covering her butt as well. He also discovered that “Don’t tell your father” was a common phrase
about the house.
We sat for a while and soon he discovered that all of the efforts in teaching the kids not to lie was in vain, thus
allowing him a level of reasoning as to why his kids lied about everything. He then realized that no one in his
family, unless put on the hot seat could tell the truth about anything without spinning it.
After sitting for a spell in silence he finally asked the same question back to me, “Does your wife lie and do your
kids lie for her, because they are told to?” A tough question to be true, but I had to answer with honesty, and in
writing The Denial Factor I had to tell the truth and not hide behind the word Denial.
I thought about this for a minute or two before answering, and in doing so I asked myself some interesting
questions, such as why am I always being accused of having an affair or a very close relationship with people I do
business with (female), or why am I wasting my time chatting with old acquaintances from high school on facebook,
of which I have not seen in 30 years.
I asked why I should only be allowed to focus on work and not to worry or concern myself about other issues such as
the above (Facebook). Then I looked at my life realizing it is very transparent in the sense that anyone who truly
knows me will know that when I am on the road I can be found in four places:
1. On the road.
2. On the job site.
3. In a Casino (if one is available).
4. In my room.
This is simply a known fact of which can easily be confirmed, but yet I am always suspect.
Then I asked myself where do I stand as a provider and the answer was simple, I work every day without vacation
put food on the table and am still making the house payments, with focus on my family.
Furthermore I do not hide money and could care less about being accused of lying constantly, because I know I have
no secrets, no matter how or what anyone manifests or creates in their mind.
Then I thought about my relationship with my wife, separate but one, if that makes any sense. We do nothing
special anymore as her side of life is always encased with kids or who knows what, leaving plenty of time to say no
and plenty of time to keep busy with others.
She travels all over the United States with the kids and her mother, often failing to call until I get frustrated. She
is in constant association with a larger number of people than I. She has the perfect cover with the kids and her
mother to do whatever she wants, but yet I am not concerned, in fact I gave up being concerned 5 kids ago. In short
I trust and live my wife.
My one and only concern is that they make it to their destination safely and that they have enough money to cover
their needs.
But all of this did not answer the magical question “ Does my wife lie to me or have the kids lie for her?”
Finally I told my friend that the question was too deep to answer on the spot and I would have to get back with him.
He smiled and agreed that another time would be good, so we said our good byes and off to home I went.
That evening I asked my kids the magical question “Does mom lie to me and does she have you cover for her with
lies?”
I learned two things that night, one being she does not lie to me and the kids do not cover for her. In short my kids
have a mind of thier own and will express an opinion when needed. I guess I am one of the lucky ones and will
remain so. But for those not so lucky I wish the best.
As all of us know humans have a hard time being truly honest. There are just some things that are better to
readjust the answer or not say anything at all. But in this politically correct world true honesty amongst the masses
is nothing more than a farce.
True many can work on a daily basis with 90 to 97% truth, but there is always a little room for the stretch.
But in a marriage, one that should be based on truth and honesty one should not accuse or create fallacy in an effort
to cover their own flaws. My wife loves to harass me, I guess to keep me in line, but all in all we are a strong team,
no matter what.
Oh, and you ask what I told my friend when I saw him again. I told him the black eye I had was from my wife
smacking me around for thinking such vile thoughts of accusation, when in actuality I was hit in the face by an
electric cord which flipped out a box of Christmas lights.
The wife beating me got more attention and appreciation and a few good laughs.
Enjoy.
DM
lifestyle as I do. In the conversation I asked if his wife lied to him often, of which he could not answer in full
honesty.
This thought apparently stuck with my friend and he decided to ask his oldest children the same simple question I
asked. “Does your mother have you lie for her?”
The response he had from the kids left him in a very depressed state, discovering that his wife not only lied often to
cover her butt on petty things she was doing something or buying an item, but had the kids lying for no apparent
reason, other than covering her butt as well. He also discovered that “Don’t tell your father” was a common phrase
about the house.
We sat for a while and soon he discovered that all of the efforts in teaching the kids not to lie was in vain, thus
allowing him a level of reasoning as to why his kids lied about everything. He then realized that no one in his
family, unless put on the hot seat could tell the truth about anything without spinning it.
After sitting for a spell in silence he finally asked the same question back to me, “Does your wife lie and do your
kids lie for her, because they are told to?” A tough question to be true, but I had to answer with honesty, and in
writing The Denial Factor I had to tell the truth and not hide behind the word Denial.
I thought about this for a minute or two before answering, and in doing so I asked myself some interesting
questions, such as why am I always being accused of having an affair or a very close relationship with people I do
business with (female), or why am I wasting my time chatting with old acquaintances from high school on facebook,
of which I have not seen in 30 years.
I asked why I should only be allowed to focus on work and not to worry or concern myself about other issues such as
the above (Facebook). Then I looked at my life realizing it is very transparent in the sense that anyone who truly
knows me will know that when I am on the road I can be found in four places:
1. On the road.
2. On the job site.
3. In a Casino (if one is available).
4. In my room.
This is simply a known fact of which can easily be confirmed, but yet I am always suspect.
Then I asked myself where do I stand as a provider and the answer was simple, I work every day without vacation
put food on the table and am still making the house payments, with focus on my family.
Furthermore I do not hide money and could care less about being accused of lying constantly, because I know I have
no secrets, no matter how or what anyone manifests or creates in their mind.
Then I thought about my relationship with my wife, separate but one, if that makes any sense. We do nothing
special anymore as her side of life is always encased with kids or who knows what, leaving plenty of time to say no
and plenty of time to keep busy with others.
She travels all over the United States with the kids and her mother, often failing to call until I get frustrated. She
is in constant association with a larger number of people than I. She has the perfect cover with the kids and her
mother to do whatever she wants, but yet I am not concerned, in fact I gave up being concerned 5 kids ago. In short
I trust and live my wife.
My one and only concern is that they make it to their destination safely and that they have enough money to cover
their needs.
But all of this did not answer the magical question “ Does my wife lie to me or have the kids lie for her?”
Finally I told my friend that the question was too deep to answer on the spot and I would have to get back with him.
He smiled and agreed that another time would be good, so we said our good byes and off to home I went.
That evening I asked my kids the magical question “Does mom lie to me and does she have you cover for her with
lies?”
I learned two things that night, one being she does not lie to me and the kids do not cover for her. In short my kids
have a mind of thier own and will express an opinion when needed. I guess I am one of the lucky ones and will
remain so. But for those not so lucky I wish the best.
As all of us know humans have a hard time being truly honest. There are just some things that are better to
readjust the answer or not say anything at all. But in this politically correct world true honesty amongst the masses
is nothing more than a farce.
True many can work on a daily basis with 90 to 97% truth, but there is always a little room for the stretch.
But in a marriage, one that should be based on truth and honesty one should not accuse or create fallacy in an effort
to cover their own flaws. My wife loves to harass me, I guess to keep me in line, but all in all we are a strong team,
no matter what.
Oh, and you ask what I told my friend when I saw him again. I told him the black eye I had was from my wife
smacking me around for thinking such vile thoughts of accusation, when in actuality I was hit in the face by an
electric cord which flipped out a box of Christmas lights.
The wife beating me got more attention and appreciation and a few good laughs.
Enjoy.
DM
| Daves Commentary |
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